her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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