I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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