Will you blow on my dice?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize