Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
