I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
