two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I could fuck to npr.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
