you didnt know i had herpes?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
