So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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