I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
