I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
