At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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