:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
