this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
