Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
