She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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