Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
