whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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