i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
