I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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