I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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