she woke up with a sticky ear
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
