I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
