I hate your face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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