I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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