he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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