I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
