I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
