called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
