We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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