I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
