Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
