I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
