sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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