I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
