You work out of a Hotel?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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