'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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