just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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