My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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