Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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