You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
