The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize