I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
