i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
