My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
