I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i out mim tonsoeep
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
