5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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