btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
