Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
