Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
