He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
