I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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