Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
