i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
