I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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