I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
