i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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