He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bring money and cleavage
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
