remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
