the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
