She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
