I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
