And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
