yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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