We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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