Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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