How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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