I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
