oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
