Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
