Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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