my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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