the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
