you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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