This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
