everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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